Real: My current mission in life

I wrote this poem (I usually hate poetry because I feel so lazy writing it, but I was feeling lazy, so it happened).

I want to know

not just for me

for them too.

I want to understand You

all your reasons

even if it's not what we want to hear

I need less talk

less tradition

less fake

more genuine

more mercy

more Real

Real is

fearless

together

shameless

action, not words

Truth...

good

or

bad

So yeah... I'm not really a poet, but this is how I've been feeling for a while. I am not bashing church or anything like that. I'm not an "emergent," and I haven't been reading postmodern Christian authors lately to inspire this quest in my life for reality in my faith. I'm just simply tired of my own laziness. I'm tired of saying something just because I read it in a book or heard it in a sermon. I want to know what all of those "Christiany" words and phrases actually mean, if they mean anything. I want to stop the fluff, stop the "that's just what I've always heard" mess. I want to know because I have pored over my Bible and prayed until I cried and begged God to reveal himself to me. I don't want to lock myself away in my room all day every day and only surround myself with Christians-- that certainly isn't what Jesus did. But if we follow Jesus and other holy people in the Bible, we do see that they made a huge effort to know what God wanted for them, and for most of them, it wasn't what everyone around them liked or wanted to hear. They took time out of their day to be alone with God, and they never hid or downplayed their faith to try to reach someone.

On another note, there is one thing that absolutely dumbfounds me about churches in America, and if you have feedback on this thought (positive or negative), I'd like to hear it. 

Everyday I drive past a church that has these crazy signs like "don't wait to come to church until six strong men carry you there," or "get right or get left." 

Right now, their sign says, "Freedom is never given. It is always won."

What?

It sounds to me like they are no more talking about God than my journalism professors would talk about the immune system of a cat. I may have interpreted the sign wrong, but I read that as saying "Go America! We love our freedom here!" Of course, there is nothing wrong with being an American-- I love it here and I am so glad I am a U.S. citizen. All nationalistic feelings aside though, does Jesus say "Love the Lord with all your heart, and love America too!" No. He says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments" (Matthew 26:37-40). Let me repeat, I am not anti-American by any means. I just don't see why we waste our time with stuff like this.

Why should we be preaching about guns, or any other political message? I don't think America is bad, but I don't think we're God's favorite people either. I'm not completely anti-gun either, but who cares? What about understanding scripture? What about evangelism?  Our constitution was built on the Christian faith. Our faith was never supposed to be filtered through our constitution. If there is something our government or our citizens do that doesn't jive with God's law and character, which is more important to us? We can argue all day long on whether it's right to ban guns, but in the end, are we arguing on behalf of God's word, or are we arguing based on our preferences? If we are arguing on our preferences, that's fine, but let's not bring God into it unless we really know how he stands on the issues. Before we vilify our fellow Christians based on their country of origin or their stance on war, welfare or any other issue, let's examine our motives. Are we criticizing them because they go against what God says, or are we criticizing them because they go against what our culture says? It is not a requirement worship America or any other nation to worship Jesus. There are Christians all over the world who couldn't care less about the things we so passionately use God to argue about. They're just happy to know him and happy to have been given freedom from sin. 

I think in my case, freedom was never won. I received it from a God whose first priority is saving people who don't earn it. 

I went to a wedding this past week, so of course I got to thinking about love and marriage and all of that jazz.

I think these verses are an excellent description of what marriage should be like. Many marriages seem to lack encouragement and partnership; husbands don't lift up their wives; wives don't lift up their husbands. I want my future marriage to be a real-life picture of these verses.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

He must become greater; I must become less.

I'm listening to a sermon on Luke 19:11-26- the parable of the minas. In one part of the sermon, my pastor says, "We must receive the Gospel not as consumers, but as investors. The Gospel is not like some lavish meal that you get and just enjoy and savor. The Gospel is not like some ticket to Heaven that you just take and put in your pocket and walk around thankful because you know it's there...

We receive the Gospel that the Gospel might be put to work in our own lives, that God through it might transform us more and more into the image of his Son...

So pull us away from all our allegiances from so-called gods, so that the truth of God's unconditional, undeserved, unasked for, unmerited love can work to enable us to increasingly love others apart from what they can give to us!"

So many times, we all take the Gospel for granted and just use it to simply get through life. We are comforted by it; it brings us joy; it makes us feel good to know our Creator. All of these things are certainly good, but the entire Bible calls for us to do something more with this gift we are given.

Just as the master gives each of his servants the same amount of money and tells them to "do business" while he is gone, God gives each of us his Gospel, and during our lives we are to do the Kingdom's business. This requires action and change in our lives. I have been struggling with this myself lately, and God is slowly making it clear to me what I must change in order to continue following him. Throughout the Bible, God constantly tests and tries his followers, making them more humble with every turn. He is not an easy master, but he is a wise one, one who knows our full potential and what parts of ourselves we must part with to achieve it. Those who don't know him could never understand why this is an attractive way to live, but the evidence that it is lies in the legacies of those who have followed his calling to abandon their pride.

A really good speech

I know not everyone agrees with President Obama on everything, but I just watched this speech and I thought I would share it. He is speaking at graduation at Notre Dame, a Catholic school, so he talks a lot about God and even shares his testimony. It's a side of Obama people don't focus on a lot... I thought it was very interesting. He and I share common beliefs about cooperation between groups who disagree. It gets good around the 10 minute mark.

Watch it here.

Sitting at home alone... peaceful moments.

I'm home. I left all my jeans in Auburn. Maybe I will finally have tan legs?

Almost done with HP 7. It's so intense... hard for me to put it down! I love reading so much, and I can't wait to catch up on my long list of books to read this summer and in the fall. Because I'm an RA next year, I can't work at the pharmacy in the fall, giving me (hopefully) loads of extra time to just hang out, read, and do whatever. I am actively remembering that wasting time is one of my biggest talents, and I'm praying that I use next semester as a gift. Whether it's reading, writing, taking pictures, learning to play guitar, or poring over my Bible and praying, I want to always be doing something constructive in the fall. Facebook is not constructive; sleeping is not constructive... my two biggest vices. I want the fall to be a semester to remember. I will not remember anything if I facebook and sleep my way through it.

I'm super excited about this summer, being an RA, and finally getting to take real journalism classes. As of now, however, I must remember that God sometimes uses the moments we are not excited about (aka the next two weeks) the most. We miss so many opportunities to share, love and serve because we are blindly eager for the obvious. God is well-known for his subtleties. I think he is very wise. If we only fulfilled his will in those grand, overseas mission trip sort of moments, we would think we are able to predict him, which is obviously not the case. Just as he came on a donkey rather than a stallion, in a stable rather than a palace, so he often comes at humble moments in our lives rather than grandeur ones. He always leaves me scratching my head, wondering.

Unrelated verse I read last night: "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

Grace

God is showing me a lot about grace this week.

When I continue to mess up at something, it is because I am not asking for God's help to get rid of that sin in my life. This is pride. Then I feel guilty, thinking that God is upset with me, when he is actually just waiting for me to give up the struggle and let Him take it from me. Sin will always defeat me, but it will never be too much for God.

I am learning that grace is when God takes the responsibility for our sin and our struggles. Without becoming humble and and admitting that sin has a hold of my life, I can't accept God's grace. I so often beat myself up when I mess up, convinced that this is what I should do after sinning. But when sin becomes habitual, so do our worthless repetitive confessions. The only way to truly defeat habitual sin is to admit that it has a hold on us and allow God to handle it.

Like a child trying stubbornly to be independent, I have rejected your grace and your help far too long. Like a father you have watched patiently until I finally realize that I need your help. I turn around and look at you, tears filling my eyes. Too proud to ask, I look to the ground. "My daughter," you say, "can I take that burden from you? Can I fix it?" Tears begin to stream down my face and you quietly take what I am struggling to fix and mend it with one swift motion. I am ashamed that I waited this long to ask you. You smile gently and stroke my hair, knowing that I have learned a valuable lesson today. Even though it took me so long to realize my frailty, you are proud of me, proud of what I have learned. I cannot understand your grace, but I am grateful for what you are to me, grateful that you are God and I am not.

"Oh how can I give you up, Israel?
How can I let you go?
How can I destroy you like Admah
or demolish you like Zeboiim?
My heart is torn within me,
and my compassion overflows.
No, I will not unleash my fierce anger.
I will not completely destroy Israel,
for I am God and not a mere mortal.
I am the Holy One living among you,
and I will not come to destroy."
-Hosea 11:8-9

Lord's Supper: Luke 22:7-23

I had the amazing opportunity to participate in a Messianic Passover service the week before Easter. As simple as it was, it has changed the way I view the history of what I believe in a huge way. I believe that before we understand Christianity, we must have some basic understanding of Jewish culture and traditions. Since I have begun to make an effort to learn about Judaism, I have begun to understand how magnanimous Jesus' life, death and resurrection really were! It is interesting to me that modern-day Jews still practice the traditions that lead to Christ.

There is an element of the Passover meal in which three pieces of unleavened bread, or matzah, are taken out. The middle piece of bread is broken in half to symbolize the affliction suffered by the Jews, and one of the halves is wrapped in a special cloth and hidden. The Passover meal is a family tradition, so during the meal, the youngest child finds the special piece of matzah, also known as the afikomen (dessert), and presents it at the end of the meal. The father of the household buys the afikomen back from the child by giving them money or a gift. The last food eaten during the meal is the afikomen.

Do you see the similarities of this ceremony and the death and resurrection of Jesus? The three pieces of bread would be the Trinity- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The middle one is taken out and broken. It is then wrapped, just as Jesus was wrapped in burial clothes, and hidden, like a burial. The bread is then brought back and enjoyed by all at the table. "It is shared as the Passover lamb was shared from the time of exodus until the destruction of the temple." This piece of bread symbolizes the Passover lamb-- Jesus is also called the "lamb of God;" the ultimate sacrifice.

So in Luke, when Jesus is partaking in this very same meal with his disciples, he breaks this piece of matzah and instead of saying what they normally hear, he says, "This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me." He opens their eyes to the prophecy they have been partaking in all their lives without even realizing it! Jesus is the afikomen, the dessert, the perfect Passover Lamb.

I think this last Passover meal with Jesus also is very powerful for the Gentiles, because it gives a new meaning to this meal-- not only to remember the Jews' freedom from exile in Egypt, but now also to remember the freedom from the slavery of humanity to sin. This meal covers all of us. We are all, Jews and Gentiles alike, to remember the event that freed us from the bondage of sin-- permanently.

That is why we partake in the Lord's supper. It is so much more than what we have made it.